Reflection and etc.

“Please mumma, out of all the people you should understand. He wants me to be a different person altogether” saying this she stormed out of the room. Siddhartha smiled and teased me saying that her anger has come from my side of family and left the room. Staring out of the window, I was lost in the memories. It looks like a different era when my parents started talking about my marriage, soon after my graduation. I was least worried about all this, thinking that it might take years before they could find the right guy. I was busy enjoying life.

It did not take long for my parents to find Siddhartha. He was perfect in every sense. He was well-educated and was working with a reputed firm. His family was nice and well settled. Our first meeting was great. Siddhartha and I liked each other. I was in total awe of him. He was knowledgeable, funny and very calm. I got married just a week before my 22nd birthday. I left everything behind and started our life together. My transformation was like that of a drop of water, which changed its color when touched by a painting brush. His friends became my friends. His hobbies became my interests. His schedule became my routine. Our home became my whole world.

Siddhartha is everything I could ask for. He loves me and takes care of me. He is my guide, he is  my friend. In our perfect life, I have successfully donned so many roles, but I could not recall the time when I was just me. Maybe I never knew myself. Maybe I was his before I could be mine.

Untitled

A little gal was sitting in her balcony, looking out, observing the busy evening street. There was a group of college students who were going to almost all the houses in her street. The little gal was waiting in anticipation and ready to run to the door, as soon as she would see them coming up to her home.

The group skipped her house and went to her neighbor's. The gal started crying, her mother came out and after listening to her plight, she smiled and asked the group, why did they skip their house? A guy replied that they are campaigning for college's student union election and since nobody in their house attended the college, they skipped. In order to pacify the little gal, the guy joked that they would come to her house when the gal would start the college. The gal smiled. She knew that growing up is inevitable, and she was secretly waiting for that moment.

I don't understand that if there could be a loud announcement of premonition for King Kansa’s death, if the prophecy that Harry Potter will kill Lord Voldemort could me made known to Albus Dumbledore why did not somebody warn the little gal that she is wishing an evil, she is wishing an irreversible change? If the ministry of premonition, foreboding and prophecy under the governance of god had been upright and honest, there would have been a sudden thunderbolt. Every single light bulb would have flickered. There would have been an announcement though meant only for her but still would have been made in a loud volume rather than a noiseless whisper telling her things which she will learn hard way anyways like ….

“Oh! Little gal, A time will come when you will be categorized as adults and by that time, you will learn how to limit your dreams. By that time, the reality of life will overshadow your imagination. By that time, you will know how to curb your desires.

By that time, you will understand that utopia is just another word in the dictionary and Neverland  has Johnny Depp and Kate Winslet starring in it. By that time, you will start to realize that the beautiful world in which you now live, is not so beautiful.

At that time, there will be things which your heart will refuse to understand but sadly your mind will understand. At that time, a fight will be a fight. At that time, you cannot break up and make up the next day.

At that time, the freedom that you now hoping to get will not be there, on the other hand you will feel that you are shackled. At that time, you will be busy chasing something big, and you will miss the little pleasures of life.

And at that time, Oh! My little gal you will wish to become a kid once again.”

Where The Mind is Without Fear

Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high;
Where knowledge is free;
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments by narrow domestic walls;
Where words come out from the depth of truth;
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection;
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way into the dreary desert sand of dead habit;
Where the mind is led forward by Thee to ever-widening thought and action
Into that heaven of freedom, my father, let my country awake.

-Rabindranath Tagore

Prayers

One cannot ignore god especially if you are an Indian. In India, every day of the week is dedicated to some god. Celebrations start only after offering the prayers to god be it festivals or marriage or house warming ceremony. We pray and then party.

The existence of god and the job profile of god are hardly ever questioned. Children are raised to believe in god. Thanks to the millions of gods and goddesses, the grandparents never run out of stories. As a child, I always loved mythological stories, but only after reading harry potter I realized that my liking for them was because of the magic and miracles and very little because of the gods.

I am not an atheist. I never questioned the existence of god, but I definitely had doubts about the purpose of prayers. My previous experiences had taught me that not every doubt should be raised to the parents. There are things which one has to figure out himself/herself and hence began my quest.

I was certain that in absence of any logical explanation I will eventually lose my belief in god, but thank god that did not happen on the other hand it became even stronger.

After dabbling with religious text I changed my course of action. My subjects now are the people, I observed in temples. I don’t have any spiritual guru but I do pose questions to my grandmother who very patiently answers all of them.

The perception of the god differs among people, some consider god as a friend, and some consider him as administrator, someone to be feared of. Some consider him as role model and try to lead a life like him. My perception differs depending upon the situation I am in.

The general notion is that the god is omniscient so there is no scope of pretense left. The idea that god knows purity of every thought, truth in each pleads is what I think makes the communication so easy. As a friend, we tend to share even the deepest secret with him. As a disciple, we seek solution from him.

The mere illusion of a true companion (in the form of god) is what according to me reduces the problem to half. The last hope, that the god has the power to straighten even the most tangled and twisted problem is what fills the eyes with tears during prayers. The most important of all the reason, why places of worship are always filled people is faith, and trust me faith is more contagious than any flu virus. It spreads like a forest fire.

Faith is belief. It is on faith we bank, when we take risk. I know a lady who has seen lots of hardship in life and she has immense faith on god. Whenever I speak to her, she tells that god is with me and everything will be okay. Her voice has so much conviction that I have to agree.

The feeling of not being alone, the desire of light in the darkest time and the confidence, are not that all what we looking for?

Gestures

Lakshmi akka, VIT mess, Vellore, 2002-2005
She would stand out in the crowd of people who used to work for VIT mess, not because of her physical appearance but because one could not miss her twinkling eyes, warm face and the big smile with which she used to greet us. Her enthusiasm used to force us to greet her back with the same big smile even on the crappiest day.
Language barrier which I faced there certainly did not exist for her, and she always managed to communicate to us either by gestures or by her limited English vocabulary or Telugu (her mother tongue).
She would sense that the exams were approaching and would wish us luck before the exams. She would nod her head in agreement and in sympathy when we used to fuss about the delay in the night tea or complained about the food.
She took care of us in her own way, whether it was making crispy dosas or secretly keeping boiled potato for us.

Akka, Sri Rathnagiriswarar Kovil, Besant Nagar, Chennai, 2006-2008
I don’t remember her face. All that I can recall about her is the place where she used to sit outside the temple, her faded plastic box in which she used to keep her coins.
I was a frequent visitor to the temple and except one or two occasions, I had always found her sitting at the same spot either accompanied by her husband or by an old lady.
The other things that I remember about her are the monosyllabic talks we used to have every day and her generosity which I observed over time. Once she saw me tensed and disturbed. She refused to take the money that she used to take for guarding the foot wears outside the temple and told me that I can give her the money later when I am feeling better. She was trying to help by letting go of those 50 paise.

2 ladies, fruit counter, Food connection, NTU Singapore
Because of my dieting mania, I became a regular customer of the counter.  My interaction with these two ladies was limited to the customary thanks.
Once I happened to miss my juice shopping. When I went to buy juice the next day, they asked me why did not I came yesterday, and whether I am feeling ok in their broken English. I was surprised to know that they even noticed my absence because I never saw that counter free, and I would not have certainly missed them if they were absent.


These four people did not have the best jobs in the world but that did not stop them to show generosity.
They did not hold a college degree, but they understood that  language is just a  mere tool for communication and that communication in the real sense means conveying of emotions that both the people can feel rather the words that both can understand.
They had their own problems but that did not mar their goodness. It did not prevent them to pass a smile to others and talk to them at least for a min.
I am just an outsider to their lives, but I believe that these people chose to make the best out of whatever  they have instead of crying over what they cannot have.

They have taught to me so much and somehow helped me to feel better in my bad days. I am writing this article because I don’t want their memories to fade away and also as a way of showing my gratitude to them.

Just another girl's story

In a time not so long ago, in a kingdom not so far, there lived a girl. The girl like many came here to fulfill her ambitions. The girl like many works five days a week. She like many spent her weekend relaxing, reading, shopping and running errands. The girl like many was walking on the same street of life, school->university-> work. The girl like many was living in a small house that she had taken on rent and like many, she also called it home.

It was a pleasant morning of Saturday. The girl opened her eyes, peeped outside her window and noticed the brightness. She knew without looking at the timepiece that it was past her normal waking time. Slowly slowly she came to her senses and noticed the surroundings; everything was exactly the same as it was 8 hours before. She was not expecting any change overnight.

Still in bed, she tried to plan her day out, but it did not take her long to realize that her heart and mind were not in sync, she gave up planning.

She was uneasy. She was feeling this uneasiness from last few days. The uneasiness was not physical. She was hale and healthy but it  was much deeper as if her soul was uneasy. More than this feeling what troubling her was the reason behind the feelings. She knew that everything in her life was going as it was supposed to go. All her near and dear ones were fine. She was unable to think of anything that was wrong in her life.

She decided not to think about this, but she knew that if she remained at home, her mind would wander back to the same thing. She decided that after her midday meal, she would go to the market street near her house for shopping, and if she is not tired, she would go for cinema followed by dinner. She was happy. She knew she would finally be able to escape from those dreadful feelings.

There was nothing unusual about the market street. It was crowded as usual. The place was full of emotions; children were throwing tantrums to get a new toy or a sugar candy. Friends were talking, sharing their stories, few Lovers were waiting, and few were lost in each other.  Among all this, the girl was feeling angry over some unknown reason. She took the flight of stairs and reached the shop. Shopping helped her to keep her anger at the bay. She was feeling normal again. She reached the bill counter; the long queue was not a surprise for her. She was waiting patiently until her eyes fell on a young couple. She guessed from their shopping cart that they are setting up new home. Their cart was full with house hold stuff. The anger conquered the normalcy again. All the patience gone, the girl found herself cribbing against the crowd. She tried to divert her thoughts by thinking about the movie she was going to watch. She decided against all the happy movies and settled to watch a movie whose story dealt with a break up between lovers. She was sure that people would avoid watching this movie, and she would finally be able to find some isolation in this crowd.

The movie was a disaster. The story was bad and the theater was full. While walking to the restaurant, she was trying to figure out why did the families and lovers came for a break up movie.  She was also trying to comprehend her behavior, her feelings. She thought maybe she was turning into a misanthrope.

She chose a restaurant which was least crowded and asked for a place for one. The ambience of the restaurant helped her to curb her anger. She was unconsciously humming with the music that was being played there. She paid attention to the song and smiled. The restaurant was playing Elvis Presley’s are you lonesome tonight.  A tear drooped from her eye; suddenly, everything was falling into place. She solved the puzzle of her mixed feelings, her out of sync heart and mind, the uneasiness, her anger.

She (like many) was lonely.

Joy in procrastination.

I went to a book shop yesterday, and I noticed a book titled, why procrastinate? This title activated some idle neurons in my brains and triggered a feeling of pity. All I can think after that is why everybody has ganged up against poor procrastination? It is high time now for us to come out openly for procrastination.

So I, Divya Jain declared myself as an official ambassador of procrastination, for the time being, until something important comes up and would like to put a motion of confidence in favor of procrastination.

“Dear All

Just to make sure that we all are at the same level, I would like to define the word procrastination. dictionary.reference.com defines it as an act of deferring an action, delaying or putting off something till another day or time. Here after, in the range of this document procrastination will mean as mentioned above.

I would like to draw your attention to the definition, it says that the task is deferred to some other time and not cancelled. Thus the task will be done.

According to the first law of i_have_ample_time, time is never wasted. It is just transferred from one action to other action. So when we are not performing the task we are supposed to do, we are, in fact, performing some task or other. If you bear with me, I would like to explain this point with a personal experience. During my undergraduate course, I was staying in the college hostel and often on my way to mess or bathroom I would stop by some room to chat. Not only because of that I have made some good friends, but sometime I also got valuable information like the correct syllabus of the exam, correct deadlines for assignments and not to mention few very spicy gossips. So ladies and gentleman if you are logical enough you will agree with me procrastination actually helped me to gain knowledge.

As it is said, Time is money, and I fully support this statement. All the hasty decisions that I have taken in my life ended up causing me some financial loss. Had I procrastinated taking all those decisions, my bank balance would have been much better.

If necessity is the mother of all inventions, there is no denying that procrastination is the father of all the short cuts. We all are aware of one widely accepted theory which states “ jab jab  jo jo hona hain tab tab so so hota hain.”(Translation: things will happen when they have to happen) so if we are procrastinating something, we are just delaying it but according to the above mentioned theory it will happen, so the only way out is a short cut.

Have you ever watched a cricket match? Can you recall the moment when a batsman hit the ball very hard, and it goes up in the air? Everybody, all the players, commentators, umpires and viewers are curious to know whether it is a sixer or a boundary. The thrill in that moment of uncertainty cannot be put into words. Procrastination has the same thrill. You are never sure of meeting the deadline until you actually meet it, which you will because procrastination only means delaying and not cancelling.

Have not we all enjoyed procrastination at some point of our life?

On a serious note, I request you all to ponder on few things: Are not we missing the joy of procrastination by doing things on time. Are we actually saving time?  If so, I wonder where the saved time is going because everybody seems to be busy.

Thanks for your attention. The floor is now open for discussion.”

Winters in those days

The energy of ramlila and the magnanimity of dusherra used to announce the commencement of winters.

Excitement of opening the big trunk to take blankets, quilts and the sweaters out,
Fun in packing cooler and unpacking the room heater,
Onus of washing big bottles to keep pickles and kanji,
Winter in those days were the busiest time of the year.

Shivering in the mornings,
Watching the vapors condensed when the words came out,
Finding the way to school through foggy streets,
Fighting for the sunlight in prayer assembly,
Convincing Hindi teacher to take the class in the playground,
Rushing to get home before the sun set,
Winters in those days were the difficult time of the year.

Shops stocked with peanuts and jaggery,
Crimson carrot and green spinach dominating the market,
The aroma of gajar ka halwa, rewari and gajak,
The street hawker with the cart of sugarcane juice,
Winters in those days were the time of feasts in the year.

Porch filled with laughter of the knitters and floor covered with entangled strings of colored wools,
The sky looked like a palette with yellow, pink, red, violet orange kites,
The earth looked like a bridal dress with gardens blossomed with the red roses and sun flowers,
Winters in those days were the colorful time of the year.

And at last the warmth of lohiri,
The sacredness of sakranti and
The festivity of holi waved good bye to winters.

Winters in those days were the best time of the year.

Redefining Love

Love is not liability, it is a responsibility...

It is not about having same hobbies, but it is about showing interest in each other’s...

It is not only about knowing the likes but knowing the dislikes too...

It is not, forgetting old friends, but it is about taking a Saturday off (from each other) and spending with them...

It does not happen at first sight but need constant conscious efforts….

It is not, losing one in each other, but it is about growing together...

It is transforming into parents one day to take care of each other and turning into siblings the next day to fight...

It is not, blindly supporting each other but presenting other perspectives...

It is not only saying comforting words to stop the tears, but it is also giving a hug and letting the tears fall...

It is not only about looking out for each other but about understanding other’s need for isolation…

It is not, going to exotic places for holidays; it is about spending the evening talking over a cup of tea...

It is holding bags while shopping; it is making pop corns before the telecast of a soccer match…

It is holding a stool while changing the bulb; it is tasting the salt less/ over salty food…

It is not, knowing each other completely; it is about not invading the inner most circle….

It is more about acceptance than about change….

It should be imperfect because perfection is stagnant….

It is STD/ISD calls, it is regular emails….

It is respect….

It is craziness, it is insanity…

It is freedom...

It is friendship…

It is a long conversation, it is communication…

It is not us, but it is you, me and us.

The Great Indian Arranged Marriage - A gal's perspective

Statutory Warning: The opinion presented here is  110% biased .If you are looking for an unbiased opinion please close this page and read some other blog/article. If you would like to know only the facts, refer wiki.  No offense is intended but if anybody’s feeling is hurt, please accept my sincere apologies.
 
Arranged marriage is a familiar term so I am not going to define it here again.  The process of arranged marriage can broadly be classified into three stages:

(1)    The rapid fire question round 
(2)    The searching phase
(3)    The final act


The process basically starts when parents start to think that their daughters are ready for marriage. (The reason for thinking the same varies from increasing age to thinking that she has nothing else to do. she is done with studies, got job, now what else is left?). After their realization, the rapid fire question round starts.

The rapid fire question round


Question 1:  “Are you ready for marriage”??
Answer:  The question is tricky and generally, triggers a series of asynchronous thoughts in daughter's and her parents' mind.

Inside Daughter’s Mind	Inside Parents' Mind
Am I? Am I?	Hmmm...she is thinking.
Do I have any other option?	We should wait for her reply.
I knew I was ready for college because I finished 12th.	Her friends are already getting married now.
I knew I was ready for corporate world because I    finished college.	Mrs. X was telling about her nephew. The guy  seems to be well educated and he is earning well. May be we  should approach him for her.
How on the earth am I supposed to answer this?	-
Are there any basic eligibility criteria?	-
I guess I can legally marry, I am over 18. But marriage   means responsibility. Am I responsible enough? Will I  still  be allowed to cook maggi sometime for dinner?	Mr. and Mrs. Y were telling that Mr. Z found his son-in-law from shaadi.com. We will create her profile there.
I guess, I am not but how should I explain it to them. May be I should follow some diplomatic strategy like shrugging shoulders. It is better to keep mum after all I don’t want to argue with them.	She is shy to accept that but we know her so well.  We  knew she is ready. After all we are doing this for her  happiness. Ah! our little gal is ready for marriage (sob  sob  sob)

Question 2: “Do you have any guy in mind?”

Answer: 

Inside Daughter’s Mind	Inside Parents' Mind
Wow! Whole of my life they were giving subtle hints  against falling in love or having a  boy friend, and now  they want to know if I have somebody in mind??	(Praying) If she has somebody in mind, please god let  the  guy be from our community, our caste/ sub caste.  He  should have nice family and also the horoscopes  should match. The guy should be earning well.
“No, Papa Mummy, I am not interested in anybody.”?	Ah! Thank god. She has nobody.

The first stage ends with few more awkward questions and answers.

The search phase: 

During this phase every gal (I think, I won’t be exaggerating if I rephrase it as every gal without exception) experience regular mood swings or in other words undergoes Arranged Marriage Syndrome (aka Pre-arranged Marriage syndrome).

Arranged Marriage Syndrome:
This syndrome generally associated with gals whose parents are looking for perfect guys to marry them. Some gals show these symptoms earlier as compared to the others but gradually all the gals show symptoms. This syndrome is not pandemic but it is very common in India.

         The symptoms includes initial anxiety about the process, constant worry about the future husband, depression, anger, regular verbal argument with the parents  and most imp of all is the  sudden change in  parents' outlook.

         The symptoms tend to aggravate if a third party person called pandit ji or astrologer is involved. The job of this person is to give false hope to parents in return of heavy dakshina (consultation fees).

        Gals tend to eat more chocolate during this process as it is a natural anti depressant. They also tend to shop more.  New clothes and shoes are excellent anti depressants.

        Every gal will discover their own way to tackle the situation but there are few commonly available treatments.

       One of the successful treatments until the marriage is fixed is to start believing in a concept called "sanjog", which according to author's naniji (grandmother) means that the person whom you are going to marry is already decided (by god in heaven) and your marriage will happen when it has to happen.You can neither postpone it or pre-pone it.

        Talking to other gal friends who are also undergoing the same stage will be helpful.

        It is reported that grumbling about guys is helpful(citation needed).

The final act


I sincerely pray to god that all of us who are now suffering from PMS (Pre-arranged Marriage syndrome or Arranged Marriage Syndrome) get to live at least one fairy tale moment:

“And they live happily ever after.”