The Great Indian Arranged Marriage - A gal's perspective

Statutory Warning: The opinion presented here is  110% biased .If you are looking for an unbiased opinion please close this page and read some other blog/article. If you would like to know only the facts, refer wiki.  No offense is intended but if anybody’s feeling is hurt, please accept my sincere apologies.
 
Arranged marriage is a familiar term so I am not going to define it here again.  The process of arranged marriage can broadly be classified into three stages:

(1)    The rapid fire question round 
(2)    The searching phase
(3)    The final act


The process basically starts when parents start to think that their daughters are ready for marriage. (The reason for thinking the same varies from increasing age to thinking that she has nothing else to do. she is done with studies, got job, now what else is left?). After their realization, the rapid fire question round starts.

The rapid fire question round


Question 1:  “Are you ready for marriage”??
Answer:  The question is tricky and generally, triggers a series of asynchronous thoughts in daughter's and her parents' mind.

Inside Daughter’s Mind	Inside Parents' Mind
Am I? Am I?	Hmmm...she is thinking.
Do I have any other option?	We should wait for her reply.
I knew I was ready for college because I finished 12th.	Her friends are already getting married now.
I knew I was ready for corporate world because I    finished college.	Mrs. X was telling about her nephew. The guy  seems to be well educated and he is earning well. May be we  should approach him for her.
How on the earth am I supposed to answer this?	-
Are there any basic eligibility criteria?	-
I guess I can legally marry, I am over 18. But marriage   means responsibility. Am I responsible enough? Will I  still  be allowed to cook maggi sometime for dinner?	Mr. and Mrs. Y were telling that Mr. Z found his son-in-law from shaadi.com. We will create her profile there.
I guess, I am not but how should I explain it to them. May be I should follow some diplomatic strategy like shrugging shoulders. It is better to keep mum after all I don’t want to argue with them.	She is shy to accept that but we know her so well.  We  knew she is ready. After all we are doing this for her  happiness. Ah! our little gal is ready for marriage (sob  sob  sob)

Question 2: “Do you have any guy in mind?”

Answer: 

Inside Daughter’s Mind	Inside Parents' Mind
Wow! Whole of my life they were giving subtle hints  against falling in love or having a  boy friend, and now  they want to know if I have somebody in mind??	(Praying) If she has somebody in mind, please god let  the  guy be from our community, our caste/ sub caste.  He  should have nice family and also the horoscopes  should match. The guy should be earning well.
“No, Papa Mummy, I am not interested in anybody.”?	Ah! Thank god. She has nobody.

The first stage ends with few more awkward questions and answers.

The search phase: 

During this phase every gal (I think, I won’t be exaggerating if I rephrase it as every gal without exception) experience regular mood swings or in other words undergoes Arranged Marriage Syndrome (aka Pre-arranged Marriage syndrome).

Arranged Marriage Syndrome:
This syndrome generally associated with gals whose parents are looking for perfect guys to marry them. Some gals show these symptoms earlier as compared to the others but gradually all the gals show symptoms. This syndrome is not pandemic but it is very common in India.

         The symptoms includes initial anxiety about the process, constant worry about the future husband, depression, anger, regular verbal argument with the parents  and most imp of all is the  sudden change in  parents' outlook.

         The symptoms tend to aggravate if a third party person called pandit ji or astrologer is involved. The job of this person is to give false hope to parents in return of heavy dakshina (consultation fees).

        Gals tend to eat more chocolate during this process as it is a natural anti depressant. They also tend to shop more.  New clothes and shoes are excellent anti depressants.

        Every gal will discover their own way to tackle the situation but there are few commonly available treatments.

       One of the successful treatments until the marriage is fixed is to start believing in a concept called "sanjog", which according to author's naniji (grandmother) means that the person whom you are going to marry is already decided (by god in heaven) and your marriage will happen when it has to happen.You can neither postpone it or pre-pone it.

        Talking to other gal friends who are also undergoing the same stage will be helpful.

        It is reported that grumbling about guys is helpful(citation needed).

The final act


I sincerely pray to god that all of us who are now suffering from PMS (Pre-arranged Marriage syndrome or Arranged Marriage Syndrome) get to live at least one fairy tale moment:

“And they live happily ever after.”